Hotel Stay Strategist Pillows

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Couch and Potato

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Mini Bar

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

Bed and Breakfast

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'No luggage.'

Sparrow Hilton

Room service.

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

'Surely the most environment-friendly holiday is staying at home.'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Christmas escape plan

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

'Hello, Room Service?'

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"

"I thought you booked us a king?"

'This room is a tad small but cozy.'