Hotel Stay Strategist T-Shirts

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Couch and Potato

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Bed and Breakfast

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

'No luggage.'

Room service.

Sparrow Hilton

'Surely the most environment-friendly holiday is staying at home.'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

Christmas escape plan

'Hello, Room Service?'

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

Medical Emergencies on Holiday.

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"I thought you booked us a king?"

'This room is a tad small but cozy.'

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"