Travel Tip Strategists T-Shirts

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The experienced backpacker.

Airlines

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

Safest Airline in The World

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'I spy with my little intelligence gathering app...'

Excess Baggage: Before you laugh at those senior citizen travel groups, just try and keep up with them.

Cabin crew dilemma

Passengers flee a Boeing aircraft.

Frank and Ernest's tips for travelers. When traveling makes you congested ... call rheum service. Sniff.

'It's $15 to check a bag and $25 if you want it to arrive at your destination.'

Scenic Overlook and Hell Hole

"Dad's trying to work out the car charging points for our Christmas visits."

'I've already seen this movie. Can you pull up behind another van to se what movie they're watching?'

Hotel checkout.

"Santa's workshopping"

Budget airline charging extra for an oxygen tank.

"I schedule all my vacations around work. When the going gets tough, I get going."

'Nice invention, but what about jet lag?'

'I'm not turning you out. It's just that I'm taking my vacation, as cat naps in half hour increments, over several months.'

"Gracie, remember how you wanted me to go on that school field trip tomorrow...and I said I was too busy? Well, my appointment has been canceled, so I can go!"

'The main thing I hate about these nonstop flights is that the work is also nonstop.'

'The perfect week for my vacation. Enough work to insure I'll be missed, but not so much that I'll be overwhelmed in my post-vacation funk.'

The World Will End... After Labor Day

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

London only $59 (1/8 of the way)

'The hotel has no vacancies. However, there are a couple old F.E.M.A. mobile home behind the hotel.'

Airlines à la Carte