Hotel Stay Gifts

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'I was just wondering if you already ate that chocolate they left on your pillow last night?"

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

Unhelpful Porter

Nightmare Hotel Tea Trolley

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Bed & Bagel'

Biliard Enthusiast

Bed and Breakfast

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Seal blubber stew

'Oh, the amenity!'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'