First Hotel Stay Gifts

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Bed & Bagel'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Biliard Enthusiast

'What if I promise not to look?'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Seal blubber stew

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Oh, the amenity!'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

Sparrow Hilton

Graffiti on baseboard.

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

'No luggage.'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."