First Hotel Stay Gifts

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Bed & Bagel'

Biliard Enthusiast

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'What if I promise not to look?'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Seal blubber stew

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Oh, the amenity!'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'What gave him this idea?'

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

Excess Baggage: For many of us 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.

Graffiti on baseboard.