Hotel Inspector Gifts

'Room service? Please send up a towel. In a minute sir, someone's using it.'

'Room 28 - here's your key and something for the cockroaches. . .'

I am delighted to add my heartfelt comments ton my stay at this exceptional hotel - indeed I wish I had a better command of language - 'Absolutely disgusting' just isn't strong enough!

"The fish sticks here are very good."

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

HELLth Food Sprouts

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Fire door.

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I'm going in."

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"Did you manage to pass the buck on our dodgy food?"

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"It's dangerous to eat pangolins, but..."

'Call the health inspector! The kitchen has a Brussels sprouts infestation.'

'He can dish it out but can he take it?'

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"IS this an unauthorised social gathering?"

Food inspection results

307 days without an accident.

"Did you hear - we're being transferred from bomb-sniffing to trans fats."