Restaurant Inspector Gifts

'You're my best dishwasher, but the Health Department has some silly rule about using soap & water instead of your tongue.'

"I've had this eerie feeling I'm being followed!"

'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'

'If that is a toenail Monsieur, I can assure you that it is a French toenail.'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

"Of course it smells and looks like something from the sewage pipe....it is from the sewage pipe. The food you ordered is over here!"

'Oh good. I was afraid it was meant for us.'

Restaurant doctor

A rabbit pokes his head out of a guys meal - 'Oh waiter... there's a hare in my meal!'

'Ok. Have your maple sugar on a stick, but watch me call the exterminator!'

"A clean glass will cost a little extra."

"Just act natural.'

Restaurant Hygiene

Hygiene in food processing

"...and how overweight were those mice?"

Lifeguard for Fly Swimming in Soup

"According to its DNA, your meatloaf is from an unknown species."

At the end of a salad bar, a customer sees a compost pile.

Bacteria in junk food

"If you can't see it on my apron, we don't have it."

"Would sir care to study the menu?"

"Trust me sir. I wouldn't ask to see the chef if I were you, he'll only put you off your food."

"Why buy irradiated food? It'll all get re-contaminated back here anyway."

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"I'm sorry sir, we are now closed."

"Hotel UFO! Yes - that's right our dining room opens at 5 and closes at 5:15!"

Couple horrified to see Death coming out of restaurant

Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.

'I'm starved. Instead of a fly in my soup, make it a mouse.'

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

'We understand your kitchen is crawling with vermin.'

Leaving my favorite restaurant, I note rats arriving for the night shift.

'Would you like to add a dollar to your bill by donating to the food poisoning lawsuit fund?'

"Would you please pick up the wrapping paper? We set great store by cleanliness."