Culinary Inspector Gifts

"Let's cut to the chase, baby. Is the egg salad fresh?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Your lobster was off!

All Natural Nothing

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Too much cilantro

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'