Hotel Insider Gifts

"We seem to get just the one channel."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Biliard Enthusiast

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

NDAs for non VIPs

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Hotel mini-bar.

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

'No luggage.'

Sparrow Hilton

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

Room service.

"These were taken on some of my favorite layovers."

'An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, but that was before Medicare.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

'Hello, Room Service?'

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

'Yeah, I used to live with thousands of my friends in the kitchen of a restaurant, but for some reason, it was closed down...'

'This room is a tad small but cozy.'

Medical Emergencies on Holiday.

"A double room with twin minibars, please!"

happy bellboy carrying suitcases

"I'm so tired I can't think straight. Give me a room that's idiot-proof."

Chamber Pot - En Suite