Hospitality Expert Pillows

"If you're willing to wait, the soup is always better on the second day."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'I sent out for everything.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Cardiac Recovery.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Valet park only"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

'Bed & Bagel'

Bed and Breakfast

Zagat Rated.

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

Landing That Tough Account

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'Another artisanal B&B.'