Hospitality Analysts Pillows

"When do your in-laws leave?"

'I sent out for everything.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Valet park only"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

Bed and Breakfast

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

Zagat Rated.

'Bed & Bagel'

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

Landing That Tough Account

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."