Hospitality Critic Pillows

'I know you said this was a four star hotel, but I didn't expect to see them through a hole in my ceiling!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'For a service charge of just two dollars, no one will ask you how everything is.'

We're looking for something small and uncomfortable...it's for the guest room.

"Well, not impressed with the maid service here. Look at that big dead fish."

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"Valet park only"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Opening the Barrel

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

With Compliments

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Complementary Beverages

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."