Hospitality Professional Pillows

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

Coronary Inn Hospital

'King who?'

'Dammit - I forgot to tip the waiter.'

"Faster! By God, you'll earn that tip yet!"

Bled and Breakfast (inside window you can see a bed of nails).

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

Here's a bill for the use of our waiting room and magazines.

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Mr Atkins at his Ease.

A Host Saying Goodbye to His Guests.

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

Mike's Bed and Breakfast

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"Did you call me Madam?"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"To dine is human; to tip, divine."

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

"On second thought, the swordfish isn't that good, how 'bout some cod?"

"There will be a short wait...the name?"

"I'm thinking of doing a part time course in hospitality."

I don't think your heart's in the hospitality game.

'Why couldn't you just tip the stagecoach driver?'

'...and don't treat the place like a hotel!'

'Don't mind me, sir, you carry on.'

Sign by house with outside toilet reads: 'Brd, breakfast and flashlight.'

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

Excess Baggage: People who are lousy tippers should be sent to restaurant hell when they died.'

Please Wait Here for the Next Available Pencil

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"