Hospitality Guru Pillows

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

Bed and Breakfast

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

"And tonight we’re offering 5-1 odds on a kitchen strike."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

A corkscrew may be twisted but it's still a symbol of hospitality.

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

'Our customer service is impeccable. Please bus your own tables.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"George!... A word about that 'welcome mat' you bought."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

Maid

'I sent out for everything.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Valet park only"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff