Hospitality Guru T-Shirts

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

Bed and Breakfast

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

"And tonight we’re offering 5-1 odds on a kitchen strike."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

A corkscrew may be twisted but it's still a symbol of hospitality.

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

'Our customer service is impeccable. Please bus your own tables.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"George!... A word about that 'welcome mat' you bought."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

Maid

'I sent out for everything.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Valet park only"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Bed & Bagel'

Zagat Rated.

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff