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Bed & Breakfast

'I sent out for everything.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Cardiac Recovery.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Valet park only"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Bed & Bagel'

Bed and Breakfast

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'Another artisanal B&B.'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

Shall I be mother?

'Don't mind me, sir, you carry on.'

"And tonight we’re offering 5-1 odds on a kitchen strike."

"There will be a short wait...the name?"