Hospital Life Commentator Gifts

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

"Your blood work suggests you've got a bit of a sniffle. . . but I'd like to conduct a couple of dozen more just to make sure."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Virtual Doctor

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'Long shift?'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'