Hospital Life Commentator T-Shirts

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

"Your blood work suggests you've got a bit of a sniffle. . . but I'd like to conduct a couple of dozen more just to make sure."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Virtual Doctor

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Long shift?'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Express Line, 10 Symptoms or Less.

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.