Hospital Food Critique Gifts

Same old slop, day in, day out.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

NHS Efficiency Drive

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'There's nothing good to eat!'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

"They call this a semi-private room?"

Master Chef

"Do you know your name? Do you know where you are? Do you remember the accident? Do you know you had a hole in your underpants?"

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

Hospital Finances.

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

"Waiter! There's something in my soup!"

Bar None

'You're doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hopital food!'