Hospital Food Humorist Gifts

'This pan of soapy water...I'm worried that if someone was blind, stupid and had no sense of smell or taste they might think it was soup!'

'He's finished his soup but won't eat his bread poultice.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"The first one's just a warning."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"WHich one is mine?"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'