Hospital Food Mocker Gifts

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

'You're doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hopital food!'

Memo to all departments: NO!

'This pan of soapy water...I'm worried that if someone was blind, stupid and had no sense of smell or taste they might think it was soup!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"Give it to me straight, doc, I can take it... it's meatloaf for dinner again, right?"

Same old slop, day in, day out.

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

Severe Food Criticism.