Hospital Food Skeptic Gifts

'What's for dessert?'

"Please don't kill me."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

Gullib-Os

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

NHS Efficiency Drive

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"