Hospital Food Skeptic Gifts

'What's for dessert?'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Please don't kill me."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Gullib-Os

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

NHS Efficiency Drive

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."