Hospital Cook Gifts

"Wow, I can smell something far beyond the expiration date!"

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Coronavirus Global Alert

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Your wife wants to know if she should get a new propane tank for the barbecue.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'