Hospital Cook Gifts

"Wow, I can smell something far beyond the expiration date!"

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"This will be a tricky operation."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

'Your wife wants to know if she should get a new propane tank for the barbecue.'

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'