Menu Mocker Gifts

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Party time.

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Coffee Menu

Coffee

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Whatever he's eating.'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

Heart Disease Menu

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."