Menu Modifier Gifts

'In light of today's general moral outrage, we're taking Devil's Food Cake off the menu.'

"I'll have filet mignon, and she'll have the chef whip up something with no meat, dairy, wheat, soy or flavor."

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

'I wanna order an extra-large cheese pizza with no peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, burger, onion, anchovies . . .'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Party time.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Fast Food Menu Selections

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

National Coffee Day

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"....and hold the garlic."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'Physical or Social Science?'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

What's the insect de jour?

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

A menu with risks and benefits