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"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Whatever he's eating.'

Coffee

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

Heart Disease Menu

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."