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"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

Cafe Philosophique

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

National Coffee Day

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

What's the insect de jour?

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

God's map of the universe

A menu with risks and benefits

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

A sailor in his little yacht bobbing on the waves

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"I don't need therapy, but I'm concerned about my avatar. He's pretty screwed up."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 8.

Try our frogs' legs

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'I thought elephants never forgot, but according to these results you have alzheimer's disease.'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

"You folks ready to order?"

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."