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"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

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Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

The coffee's not working.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chops

"Hey Maurice! Take the menu, replace 'dish of the day' with 'local free range speciality' and double the price!"

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

'I think it's called RED!'

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

Cafe Philosophique

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

Muse/Museli