Menu Poet T-Shirts

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Party time.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

What's the insect de jour?

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

A menu with risks and benefits

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

Uh

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

Try our frogs' legs

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

Punkcakes

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"