Hospital Food Critique Pillows

Same old slop, day in, day out.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

NHS Efficiency Drive

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

Master Chef

"They call this a semi-private room?"

"Do you know your name? Do you know where you are? Do you remember the accident? Do you know you had a hole in your underpants?"

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

Hospital Finances.

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

"Waiter! There's something in my soup!"

Bar None