Hosework Humorists Gifts

Ironing out the kinks.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

Basketball injuries.

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"I've got reservations for this evening."

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"Huston, we have a bad hairday problem!"

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

Fire Brigade Chiefs Annual Dinner

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'Wow! It looks like my hypnosis lessons finally paid off!'

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

Road Work Ahead

Kiss the Hook

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

The Emperor's New Clothesline.