Hose Humorist Gifts

Fire Brigade Chiefs Annual Dinner

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Satya Nutella

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"The Eggsorcist"

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."