Homophone Humorist Gifts

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

Campus. F. You wrote "As air cools, water condenses and droplets form" in your paper for civics clss? I mistakenly Googled "Dew process" when I was writing it.

Vegetable Intelligence Agency. Gentlemen, I'm afraid there's a Leek in our organization!

"Hi honey, I'm gnome!"

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Torturing the English Language

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."