Headphone Humorist Gifts

Sometimes my noise-canceling headphones work better when I put them on other people.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Dawing your Cellphone

'Does this thing get channel four.'

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

Gangsta wrap.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

'Can you do anything else?'

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.