Hoof Humorist Gifts

"Injuries are a tricky business. Break a leg and they shoot you; twist an ankle and they put you out to stud."

"Can I help it if my shoes don't last?"

"Phew..I've been on my feet all day... How do you get these hooves off?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Any questions?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Satya Nutella

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'