Hosework Humorists Pillows

Ironing out the kinks.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

Basketball injuries.

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"I've got reservations for this evening."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"Huston, we have a bad hairday problem!"

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

Fire Brigade Chiefs Annual Dinner

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

'Chainsaw Championships.'

Kiss the Hook

'Wow! It looks like my hypnosis lessons finally paid off!'

Road Work Ahead

Sir, I seem to have misplaced my toupee. Young man, there's hair in my soup! Thank goodness it's the weekend. There's soup in my hair!

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.