Horse Trader Humor Gifts

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. VIII

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

'Wait a minute, this guy is missing a head Oh jeez, we're totally gonna crash,'

Park statues horse and rider.

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

Riding School: Horse eating a compendium.

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

"Ask me about my long face."

Bit on the Side

Don't look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

Horse selling second hand shoes as lucky charms.

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

'Do you think your owner will get that you're not in the mood to leave the field today?'

'See? When we both make that little jog to the right at the last minute...'

'Are you playing hoofsie with me?'

'Those stretching exercises you have been practicing are really working!'