Horse Trader Humor Pillows

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. VIII

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Wait a minute, this guy is missing a head Oh jeez, we're totally gonna crash,'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Park statues horse and rider.

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

Riding School: Horse eating a compendium.

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

Don't look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Bit on the Side

"Ask me about my long face."

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

Horse selling second hand shoes as lucky charms.

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

'Are you playing hoofsie with me?'

'See? When we both make that little jog to the right at the last minute...'

'Do you think your owner will get that you're not in the mood to leave the field today?'

'Those stretching exercises you have been practicing are really working!'