Horse Handler Humor Gifts

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Park statues horse and rider.

'...Because its easy to draw.'

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

Riding School: Horse eating a compendium.

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

Horse selling second hand shoes as lucky charms.

"My exercise routine appears to be working as long as I hang around fat people."

Don't look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Bit on the Side

"Ask me about my long face."

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

'Do you think your owner will get that you're not in the mood to leave the field today?'

'Louder, Doctor! I can't make out what you're saying.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. VIII

'Those stretching exercises you have been practicing are really working!'