Horse Storyteller Gifts

"And the endorsement deals I get for kid's merchandise is cra-azy!"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'She's just great with the children.'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

Don Quixote

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

The Enemy

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"It's the dog."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Show Jumping Tantrums

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

Polo pony

A Few Common Ailments

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

'Tarzan'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Horse accidents