Dog Storyteller Gifts

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

Woman warbling on about her dog. Sign reads - "Beware of the Dog Owner".

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'She's just great with the children.'

Around the Dogbox in 80 Days.

Good boy

Noah's Ark Book Shop has two doggie doors.

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

"It's the dog."

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'Tarzan'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

'I don't care if you are just 2 years old, people don't have time to read your life story.'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

'Not so easy, is it?'

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'Well kiddo, I'm proud to say that in all my years of service, I've never lost a sheep...'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"And the endorsement deals I get for kid's merchandise is cra-azy!"

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

"I should start a podcast."