Bovine Storytellers Gifts

"Frank! You're early! I never wanted you to see me like this!!"

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'She's just great with the children.'

Motorherd

Moo! OOM!

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

The Cud Food Guide

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

'Tarzan'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"Moo-mooo-mooo-moo-mooo-mooo. . . And that was the moos with Dale Wisbey. . ."

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'Not so easy, is it?'

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

"And the endorsement deals I get for kid's merchandise is cra-azy!"

'Well kiddo, I'm proud to say that in all my years of service, I've never lost a sheep...'

They're short of staff!

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

'Hit me in the head with a sledgehammer.'