Equine Storyteller Gifts

'...then, after fitting the metal clamp into your mouth he puts in his whole arm...'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'She's just great with the children.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

"It's the dog."

The Enemy

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Show Jumping Tantrums

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

A Few Common Ailments

'Tarzan'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Horse accidents

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

"What does 'giddyup' even mean?"

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

Grump Horse and Rider

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"