Equine Entertainer Gifts

'Horse Play' 'We never mastered the choreography part of freestyle dressage, but we still wanted to have a role in the competition.'

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

'I see you bit the groom whilst she was clipping you again!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Now cut that out!'

"Really, self-taught - that's remarkable!"

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Pottery Slam

The Enemy

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Show Jumping Tantrums

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

A Few Common Ailments

Polo pony

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

'Just jam one of these pills as far down his throat as you can, 3 times a day.'

Horse accidents

"It's my birthday. How about a free drink?"

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

'Beware of Dog' sign next to accordion-playing canine.

The ocean is no place for a star.

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"