Horizon Humorist Gifts

'I think there's something wrong with the horizon, Doreen!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

Bob's Driving School.

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

'It feels warm enough to me.'

Snails on road - road works 'slow' sign.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

Gas tank is holding up a customer for money 'Fill 'er up!'

"I'm sorry, Davis, but your face no longer fits."

Highway Advisory - Move to Arizona.

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

'Your ten percent tip.'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

Cover story: Plant World.

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

'What a bargain!'

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

'I've battened down the TV to protect us from weather reports.'

"I need a transfer from the wind tunnel departmnet please."

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

Leaving New York

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."