Hoop Hopeful Gifts

Banked on a college degree without an NBA career to fall back on.

'I told my teacher I won't be returning to school...'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Exercising

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

Basketball

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

Basketball.

Midnight Basketball

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

Not The Real Me

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'