Future Basketball Star Gifts

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Exercising

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

Midnight Basketball

Future Wrestler

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Not The Real Me

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."