Basketball Dreamer Gifts

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I think putting a better team together might work, too.'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Athletic Darwinism.

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

Never Get To Play, Please Help.

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

Roy's career as a basketball pro was short and unpleasant.

"Why are you studying? Go outside and practice shooting three pointers, so you can ear big bucks like Steph Curry."

'I don't have the heart to tell my Stevie that he'll never be able to palm the ball like your son.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Remember son, winning isn't everything. You need good endoresement deals too.'

"Aw, come on, Mom. My room isn't that bad."

Revealing slam dunk.

'Oh, come on. We just need one more body. Please die.'

'Ask her if she'll play center on our basketball team.'

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'I can't dunk.'

'Thanks to you, my pretty, my sister will never play center for a WNBA team now.'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, I'm twelve years old and I still can't make a half-court shot in basketball. What should I do? - Moe. Moe, I know you want a quick fix, but there's no substitute for hard work. Master the half-court shot the way I mastered needle-point, practice five hours a day for seventy-five years … while giving your competitors backhanded compliments. With diligence, you'll eventually outlive anyone who knows your failings … which means they never

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Although Tall Enough to Play Basketball, Had There Been such a Thing, the Emperor Charlemagne Was the Son of King Pepin the Short

Midnight Basketball

Football Fans

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.