Basketball Hopeful Gifts

'Well, this is your lucky day, Sheedy.Go in for Moore... He just blew out his knee.'

Not The Real Me

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

Exercising

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Midnight Basketball

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'