College Hopeful Gifts

"We want you to have fund, as long as it's fun that enhances a college-admission application."

I'm freaking out! Thursday is dress rehearsal. Nerves? Work! I've got a math and history test on Friday. Why did I ever sign up for the spring musical? Because it's fun? West Fester High School. On my college application it'll look like I had fun. It'll go with your "Looks aren't important" essay.

"My dad's on my case again about going to college."

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'And here's my collection of stock in DiscoCorp... or as I call it, your college fund.'

I'm interning at town hall for my college transcript. Cool. I'm taking AP classes to boost my GPA. How about you, Twig? I'm working at my dad's nursery. What do you get out of that? Money. Novel idea!

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

Not The Real Me

I got into the college everyone wants to go to! Well played. It's the perfect fit for me! Way to go! Eco-Club. Which one is it? Dunno. Why do you care? So I don't apply there!

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

"You see 'The Man' devised this shrewd plan so more people can go to college and become doctors and lawyers and stuff. Now that they're 'productive members of society,' revolution is the last thing on their minds! I plan to make that my doctoral thesis wh

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

Contest to enter the University

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Universidad

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

'You're never going to follow me in my trade, Son - you may as well go to university.'

'Well, Gosh...! How did you know I was an incoming freshman...?'